From Darrell's Desk
By Rev. Darrell Maguire
I was reflecting of late about my sense of being overwhelmed. Not by activity but by empathy. The news has been so bad coming out of Ukraine, and the Covid pandemic, not to mention the struggles of those near and dear to me, that I feel numb at times. Why is this? As someone who prizes empathy, it frightens me to think I am becoming cold to its influence on my being. Collin's Dictionary defines empathy as the ability to share another person's feelings and emotions as if they were your own. Empathy is not sympathy. They are related, but not the same or synonymous.
The difference between sympathy and empathy is astutely portrayed in a clip from RSA Animate that narrates an excerpt from Dr. Brene Brown's TED Talk on empathy. She explains that sympathy is to see someone in a deep hole, but remaining on higher ground and talking to them from above. The sympathetic person may also try to simply put a silver lining on the person's situation instead of acknowledging the person's pain. Conversely, empathy is feeling with the person: it's climbing down the hole to sit beside them, making yourself vulnerable to sincerely connect with them. The empathetic person will recognize the person's struggle without minimizing it.
Sympathy is not a bad thing. It is even encouraged in our society. “I want to express my sympathy” are words we often say at a funeral to someone. Yet, anyone who has been through a difficult time, like a serious illness, financial crisis, or a death the family knows that sympathy can leave us very cold. Sympathy, while socially valued none the less, only goes so far. We can keep our distance, while make the appropriate sympathetic gestures.
We've been exploring at length the story of Job, and I realized of late that Job's first three friends were sympathetic but not at all empathetic. They were quick to try to fix him, rather than know his heart. They dismissed his words, and his pain, probably to keep their emotional distance from him, lest his calamity be contagious.
Now, I am sure that you know there is no way I, or anyone else save Jesus, could be empathetic all the time. If we were, we would lose ourselves in the pain of others. So, sometimes, sympathy is the best we can muster. As long as we are being sincere. On the other hand, to be devoid of all empathy is to tread very close to the line in becoming a psychopath.
Maybe the answer to my current condition is to pick my moments of true empathy. To save my emotional investment for those closest to me, or within my immediate circle of relationships. Then as the Lord directs, I may have some emotional reserved for persons whose life has been turned upside down, and for whom sympathy is less than helpful. And maybe with God's help I can strengthen my empathy by listening more and trying to fix things less.
Perhaps we take a page out of Jesus' playbook in Luke 18. As Jesus approached Jericho, a blind beggar heard that he was coming by, and he began to shout out to Jesus to have mercy on him. The crowd tried to silence him, but Jesus called him over. Most people miss an important moment in this story. The celebrate the healing but miss Jesus' first words to him. “What do you want me to do for you?” Then the man replied he wanted to see. Notice Jesus did not assume anything about the man's need or situation. Jesus listened first, and only responded to the man's declared need.
In other words, He got down in the well with the man, instead of standing at a distance. May God grant us ears to hear and hearts to love, so we can truly understand others.
